The Lofty Plateau

It's the phase of life coming after this one. The one you're always gestating for. You fantasize about it all the time, and you know way too many of the truffly details. Maybe you're being naive, okay. But only a little bit! 


It's gonna' come all of a sudden. Man, oh man, you can't wait. In fact, despite the wisdom you've heard your entire life, you're pretty sure that it'll come to you overnight. And it will suddenly and irrevocably change the day-to-day face of your life. Yep. None of this one-step-forward, half-step-back stuff that you're seeing for everyone else. For you, ineffably special person that you are, there is only preparation... preparation... and then: A sudden softly raining boon. Perpetual gold rush. Ease and plenty all the livelong day. Or, hell, forget the preparation part. Preparation takes up time, and sure puts a strain on your delicate and easily-bruising self. This thing, when it happens, it'll be closer to a kind of predestination anyway. So, you'd better just get a long night of sleep for the night that it comes (actually, better make it for months and years before). Because in the morning, once it's happened, you won't even recognize yourself! 


You'll be taller now, for one thing, and leaner. And damn, look at those toned muscles. However, how damn-good you look runs a close second to how damn-good you feel. You've become effervescently healthy. Hyperbolically toxin-free. All those half-assed diets you declared and abandoned over the years have somehow conspired together in the night and gelled into this bronzed, splendiferous result. Inspiration comes with each intake of breath! Your thoughts and insights tumble after one another on puppy paws running and yapping to greet the world. That overly long slumber you had last night? Never again! From now on, you'll lunge up off your tempurpedic mattress and fly into 40 rabid sun salutations. Whoa. Double check that new you that's in the floor-length mirror. Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox are crinkly troll dolls in comparison. So, so that thing about how you feel being more important than how you look? Eff that! 


First thing you do, after staring at your abs for an hour, is dump that drag of a significant other that you've been dating. You call them up, you leave a voicemail, and it's over. Done. You'd been dating them for many years out of fear, but fear isn't in your repertoire anymore. See 'cause you're also an instantaneous Master Flirt now. You're sensitive. Your heart can really hear the other person, and not just listen. You had no idea how to flirt yesterday, but today it comes smoother than a fine-tuned screenplay. Every jokey bit lands. Your punctuating smile is totally adorbs. By the time you get down the block to your car, you've had four meet-cutes - count 'em, four.