Name Game

            I’m so excited to move to Los Angeles in two weeks! In order to help my career as an aspiring performer-comedian, I’ve been thinking a lot about my name. I’ve noticed how crucial it is for certain actor types to change their name in order to promote a certain image and to connote that image with the sound of their given name and/or surname. OR, they decide to change their name in order to avoid being boxed in and/or type cast if their real name happens to be too ‘ethnic other’ sounding, swarthy, spicy or otherwise ca-raaaaaZAY. 
            Like my friend, Andrew Perez, who has sometimes struggled with casting directors and their expectations upon meeting “Andrew Berez! Latino Actor!” (You see, Andrew looks and sounds about as white as me and presumably anyone reading this blog.) Not long ago, Andrew considered the last name “Crowe” as a desirable alternative. I suggested that he could also add little crow-shaped insignias around the boarder of his headshot, just to help his overall persona/impression/confusion.

            And with the advent of social media sites! It’s easier than ever for actor types to mix and match all hugger-mugger with an array of Branding Pseudonyms / Imaginary Personas – all for the sake of their Career Goals and Show Biz Dreamz! Your birth certificate? Screw it! Your family lineage? In the dust bin! You can opt into your new persona using the facebook RIGHT NOW. Nevermind the legal loopholes – this is entertainment, people. I knew an actress in Chicago who seemingly has added the middle name “Actress” to her name on the facebook. And I thought, “hmmmmmm... Isn’t that con-ven-ient? As well as just, hitting-people-over-the-head DIRECT of you. Good on ya, Actress.” Also, another actress I worked with in the Windy City changed her last name to make it sound less Italian. Just like that, less ethnic other, overnight and easy peasy. Furthermore, this particular actress, aside from being paaaaainfully unfunny in reality, seems to have no acting credentials in the physical world as near as I can tell. But she sure does have an avalanche of credits on twitter, youtube, her blog and her TWO facebook pages. Sha-zam! It is that easy.  

            So with all this nom de plume ease, all this fluidity of public selfhood – what exactly does “Briggs Hatton” have in store for “his” future? When I visited L.A. three weeks ago, I met this girl who claimed she had a friend who’s first name was also “Briggs.” And I should have elbowed her in her short face. That’s only the second time in my life that anyone’s ever told me they know another first-name “Briggs.” And I likes to keep it that way. Since Briggs is normally a last name, people have often misheard or gotten confused while meeting me and then asked, “So what’s your first name?” Maybe I’ll just take that as a sign and pick a normal first name. I’ll become “Mike Briggs,” or “Steve Briggs.” Or, I could flip my middle name to the front: “Joe Briggs Hatton.” That’d avoid my unfortunate first and middle initial combo, the combo slutty girls during high school teased me about, if and when they caught onto its suggestive meaning. The suggestive meaning being blowjobs. OR, maybe my goal is to get more weird/exotic with my name – not more normal/expected. In elementary school, I used to practice my name in cursive on a chalkboard, only I’d write it as “Brigga-Joe Hatton” for some reason. Maybe that could fly. Or “z”s! “Z”s are always solid. Maybe I’ll just tack a “z” on there. “Briggz Hatton.” “Briggz Manhattan, M.A.” “Briggory.”

            (Probably not) coming soon to a social network near youz!